Marcus Thames is an Idiot

Idiot

Sox Shine in Sunny Tampa Bay

The Sox are winning again. And they're doing it against some of the best teams in baseball. A lot of praise should be bestowed on the meaty shoulders and shanks of David Ortiz but the real recipe for their recent success is starting pitching.

Over their last 6 starts (5 of which were victories) Sox starting pitchers have allowed a combined 8 earned runs in 44 innings of work. That means starters have averaged 7 1/3 innings per start to the tune of team ERA of 1.64 over the hot stretch. Not maintainable but certainly something to be proud of. This is what all the pundits were predicting during spring training, that the Sox starting staff would limit the other teams' offenses while their reputed "defense first" offense would score enough runs to win.

Defense has indisputably played a role in this winning streak as well. Pedroia, even when he was mired in his 3-for-infinity slump, was still playing Gold Glovey 2nd, and Beltre has been the defender we all thought we were getting, shining particularly during Daisuke's attempt at a no-hitter against the Phillies. Scutaro, despite letting a ball drop that ended Daisuke's big day, has seen improvement at short and Youk has been his same old brilliant self at 1st.

I'm not going to mope about the early season woes and join the growing number of Sox fans who claim the season is over and the division is out of reach. History tells us otherwise. The Yankees are hurting and the Rays can't possibly get any better. If the Sox can take another one in Tampa and then roll over the Royals in their four game series to close out the month, they could find themselves only a few games out of 1st with a much easier schedule in June. Of course, the schedule looked to be a lot easier in April too and that didn't prove beneficial.

Mike Cameron is due back tonight, Lester is on the mound, and even though Victor may be out with a bruised big toe, the Red Sox appear to determined to scrabble out of 4th place in the AL East.

A Look Back

I watched the scroll at the bottom of my television screen the other day and it informed me that Max Scherzer was optioned to Triple-A Toledo. So, in addition to the excitement that the Mud Hens (I think that's what they're called) are getting a great new top-of-the-rotation starter, the fantasy baseball ramifications also leapt to the front of my mind. Now, I knew that in my Baseball Stars fantasy league (named after the customizably awesome NES game) Scherzer was taken by worthy foe Islamabad Beard. This tickled me, because the Beard's owner has fleeced me on several occasions in trades. All of this got me thinking about how the other first-rounders have looked so far this year.

The Baseball Stars league has ten keepers, so our draft began in the eleventh round and went a little something like this:

1st - Javier Vazquez (Chin Music; Dan A.)

2nd - Jose Valverde (Kenny Powers All-Stars; Michael Y.)

3rd - Rich Harden (Momaw Navaughn; JMR)

4th - Jered Weaver (the eightpounders; Emily W.)

5th - Scott Sizemore (Hulk Hogan's Heroes; Andy M.)

6th - Juan Pierre (the Trumpet of Conscience; Luke K.)

7th - J.J. Hardy (Momaw Navaughn; JMR)

8th - J.D. Drew (Momaw Navuaghn; JMR)

9th - Max Scherzer (Islamabad Beard; Nick S.)

10th - Carlos Santana (O'Boizez with Two Z's; Joe R.)

11th - Rafael Soriano (Shut Up And Love It; Mike G.)

12th - Brian Fuentes (Balti's Boomsticks; Jon B.)

So, let's start from the top here. Javier Vazquez goes number one overall to Chin Music. It was hard to argue with this choice on draft day, although I wouldn't have made it. Did it work out? Well, Javier Vazquez has a WHIP of 1.78, a 2-4 record (and one of those wins was a relief appearance where he retired one batter) and an ERA north of eight! So, Chin Music struck out with this selection for certain. Perhaps Vazquez will right the ship, but I doubt it at this point. The guy has to be thinking that he'll never be able to pitch in the AL East.

Next taken was Valverde, who has ten saves, a 0.51 ERA and a 0.79 WHIP. So, this ends up being a great pick. I would have made Jose the newest closer for Momaw Navaughn if he had slipped a spot, but he didn't and, clearly, he shouldn't have. I'm going to lump into this paragraph the other two closers who were taken in the first round: Soriano and Fuentes. Soriano has been very solid with ten saves of his own and a 1.59 ERA and 0.94 WHIP. Fuentes is a bit iffier of a selection. His ERA is terrible, but he has notched 5 saves despite a stay on the DL. Not what you want out of your first selection, but it could be worse and Fuentes should end up with decent numbers.

Rich Harden. Sigh. I literally could NOT prevent myself from taking Harden in this slot. Was it the best move? Well, I knew that I had two other selections in the first round, so I felt that I had a bit of wiggle room. And so far Harden has posted a 2-1 record with a 4.74 ERA, making it through the sixth inning in only three of his nine starts. The way my team is designed, though, the ERA and WHIP categories are punted about every week anyway. So, since Harden continues to make bats miss at a good clip he is helping my team a lot more than he's helping the Rangers. Still, maybe not the best value I could have gotten here.

For some reason, Jered Weaver never seems to be a valued commodity. He wasn't kept and thus entered the draft pool along with the newcomers to the AL. Probably, the only reason Jered was drafted here as it is was because the eightpounders were on auto-pick. Weaver's line is pretty spiffy so far this year (despite a disastrous most recent outing). His ERA sits at 3.40, his WHIP is 1.19 and he's on pace for 231 strikeouts (his 60 currently leads the league). Jered may be the pick of the litter.

Scott Sizemore was hitting .206 with a single homer when he was sent back down to play for the Mud Hens (they must be killing those other AAA teams) on Saturday after going 0 for his last 14. As far as first round selections go, Sizemore may go down as the biggest clunker of them all.

The Trumpet of Conscience chose Juan Pierre and added him to a lineup that already featured Ichiro, Elvis Andrus, Julio Borbon and Chone Figgins. Pierre has done exactly what you'd expect him to do. He's swiped eighteen bases and little else. If a different team, one who had needed speed, had taken Pierre here then I would've said "great pick". Instead, I'm just going to shrug and marvel at the fact that Luke owns four of the top ten base-stealers in the AL.

The next two picks represented a change in my drafting philosophy over previous seasons. Typically, I'd spend an early pick to take a Desmond Jennings-esque prospect here. Instead, after an excruciating season of failed expectations last year, I focused on winning this season. I took J.J. Hardy and J.D. Drew to fill positional needs. Hardy's been hurt for the last two weeks and was pretty unremarkable before that, but he might chip in with fifteen home runs if he heals up. He'd already hit three before hitting the DL. J.D. looked like a terrible first round pick through the first month of the season. His batting average in April was .197. Since the calendar page turned to May, though, J.D. has hit .375 with an OPS of 1.016! That's more than worthy of an exclamation point.

Max Scherzer, of course, is the Mud Hens' latest addition. Why is that? It could be his 7.29 ERA and 1.29 WHIP that got him sent down. It could also be that his K/9 was down from last year's 9.19 to 5.57. Or maybe it's that opponents have a .951 OPS against him. These are seriously troubling numbers for the Beard.

Finally, Carlos Santana. It's too early to tell, obviously, whether or not this is a solid pick. Santana does have 37 RBIs in 39 games in AAA this season. His OPS down at Columbus is a smashing 1.050. Next year at this time we may be declaring this the best pick of the draft.

I'll wrap things up by crosschecking my assessments using ESPN Player Rater data:

1 - Vazquez (345th best in AL)

2 - Valverde (60th best in AL)

3 - Harden (196th best in AL)

4 - Weaver (45th best in AL)

5 - Sizemore (350th best in AL)

6 - Pierre (80th best in AL)

7 - Hardy (205th best in AL)

8 - Drew (30th best in AL)

9 - Scherzer (387th best in AL)

10 - Santana (n/a)

11 - Soriano (65th best in AL)

12 - Fuentes (190th best in AL)

So, what should the first round have looked like in the Baseball Stars league?

1 - Ty Wigginton (11th best in AL) should have been Chin Music's first pick. He would have filled the 1B slot currently occupied by Casey Kotchman. Ty went in round 20 to the Trumpet of Conscience.

2 - Jose Bautista (13th best in AL) should have gone second. Instead, Momaw Navaughn snagged him in round 21.

3 - Alex Gonzalez (19th best in AL) should have been taken here by Momaw Navaughn. His output has been excellent and he would have filled the SS position JMR needed to fill. Alex went in the 22nd round to Islamabad Beard.

4 - Andruw Jones (25th best in AL) should have gone here, although, as mentioned above, hard to argue with the Jered Weaver selection. Andruw went in round 17 to Islamabad Beard.

5 - Austin Jackson (27th best in AL) would have been the perfect selection for Hulk Hogan's Heroes who clearly wanted to go young, but clearly would benefit more from a young player who isn't currently on the Mud Hens. Jackson went in the next round anyway, to Kenny Powers All-Stars.

6 - Scott Podsednik (29th best in AL) would have given the Trumpet of Conscience the speed he so desperately craves as well as some other solid numbers (including a .301 average to Pierre's .253). Kenny Powers All-Stars snagged this character in the 19th round.

7 - J.D. Drew (30th best in AL) should have gone to Momaw Navaughn in this spot. Instead, Momaw Navaughn took him in the next spot.

8 - Alberto Callaspo (31st best in AL) should have been Momaw Navaughn's third first-round selection. It wouldn't have filled much of a need, but depth is nice too. Alberto ended up falling to Chin Music in the 15th round.

9 - Ricky Romero (37th best in AL) probably would have been a better pick for Islamabad Beard than Scherzer. Compton FistFullOfBees ended up taking Ricky in the 21st round.

10 - Shaun Marcum (38th best in AL), for some reason the Jays pitchers are high on the ol' Player Rater. If O'Boizez with Two Z's had taken Marcum here like he apparently should have, then the O'Boizez pitching staff would probably be the tops in the league. Compton FistFullOfBees took Marcum in round 16.

11 - John Buck (41st best in AL)? Really? Yep. Blue Jays battery members only for picks 9 through 11. Still, Shut Up And Love It's Soriano selection probably made more sense, since Joe Mauer would have been tough for Buck to unseat. Still, O'Boizez with Two Z's ended up getting John in the 19th. Good value.

12 - Doug Fister (44th best in AL) would have been the perfect player for Balti's Boomsticks to take here. Instead, Doug went undrafted and Hulk Hogan's Heroes was prescient enough to scoop him off the waiver wire five days after the draft.

Can you believe it that twelve of the Player Rater's top 44 players were available on draft day? Anybody who gets discouraged or takes over a crummy team should take note of this. A great draft can remedy even the lousiest of inherited rosters.

Yankees Taunt Sox

Man I wish I hadn't seen the 9th inning last night. Before going into my first shift as a night security guard at Powder Horn campgrounds, I listened to the first two innings and was relieved that I didn't have to suffer through the remainder of the game. Matsuzaka, after pitching brilliantly in his previous start, gave up 5 runs in the 1st and another in the 2nd, and the Sox were trailing 6-1 in what looked like the makings of an embarrassing blowout.

A few hours of training and getting lost in a golf cart and I was back in the main office where my boss was watching the game on a flat screen tv which was perched abnormally high on the east wall of the room. At first I was surprised to see Papelbon on the mound, and figured that they must have really exhausted the bullpen. Imagine my surprise when I noticed the score was 9-7 Boston and it was the bottom of the ninth.

Needless to say, that didn't last.

Like I said, I wish I hadn't seen it, but I did. Double by the speedy Gardner, Teixiera's deep fly out to right that moved Gardner to third, homer on a straight-as-an-arrow guileless fastball to A-Rod, Cano flies out, that giant helmeted catcher gets hit by a pitch (why didn't he just hit A-Rod and pitch to Cano and Cervelli?!!?) and then Marcus Thames, who always plays exceptionally well when I'm watching, ended the game with a walk-off four-bagger to left.

I really wish I hadn't seen that.

Take Me Out to the Ball Game.....

…But don’t expect me to pay attention to the game. There is nothing like seeing a ball game right at the park, but for me it is one of the worst places to actually watch a game. There are just too many distractions. I am too busy waiting for the beach ball to come my way, or trying to time the wave perfectly as it rolls across the crowd, or searching for famous people with my binoculars. Last summer I managed to get tickets to a Red Sox-Yankees game at Fenway. It was that great game where Jacoby stole home off of an unsuspecting Andy Pettitte. I know because I watched it the next day on-line. Unfortunately, at that precise moment during the game I was using my binoculars to check out JD Drew’s ass while he was up to bat (not too shabby!), and it took me some time to realize what all the shocked elation was about. At home I would have at least gotten the instant replay (from multiple angles!). Don’t get me wrong-- I enjoy the excitement of being at the park. The intimacy of seeing the game in the flesh, in insta-time without the delay of having to send the images and sounds through all those strings and tin cans--- It’s just that it is hard to pay attention when you are a few beers in and your friend Jenny also with a few beers and a few whiskey shots under her belt is fervently trying to initiate the wave and encouraging the brood of eight to ten year olds in front of you to chant “Yankees Suck” repeatedly. I was in Saint Louis during the 2000 season and got cheap tickets to a game, which was easy because it isn't Boston. Mark McGwire was playing and I think he might have hit a homerun and I think maybe the Cardinals won, but I can’t tell you who they were playing. I can tell you that I enjoyed a foot long hot dog and I acquired a cool floppy khaki hat with the Cardinals symbol on it just for filling out a credit card application. I have been like this since the first game I ever went to. I must have been 9 or 10 when my dad and I first boarded a Greyhound in Portland, ME to head to Boston to watch my first game. This one I think I remember slightly better than most, maybe because it was my first game or maybe because it is so far removed from now that the reality I created for it has become the truth. But I think Boston beat Milwaukie 2-1 (wait does Boston even ever play Milwaukie?). The problem when I was 9 was that I couldn’t see even if I really wanted to. Every interesting thing that happened would cause the crowd to rise to their feet leaving my sub 4-foot frame seeing nothing but the backs of overweight men. There was also a rare heat wave in the northeast during that time. I think my dad told me it was 104 degrees out. Therefore, my most vivid memory of that game is me standing in front of a sink in a green-walled Fenway bathroom repeatedly filling the newly acquired sox cap my dad bought me with cool water from the faucet and dumping it on my head. It was refreshing.

So take me out to the ball game, I will likely forgoe the crackerjacks, but you can buy me a beer and fries. I will root, root, root for the—“hey do you see those wackos over there? What does that say on their chests? 'B-O-T-O-X'?! Hand me the binoculars”.

Wieners in the Wind

On Thursday, Breanne and I attended our first Sea Dogs game of the season. After thunderstorms and rain in the morning, the sky had opened up around noon. After removing the tarp from the field, they were able to start the game at 12:30, only 30 minutes after the scheduled game time.

I was in a hurry to get the game going because I had my final Biology class at 3 o’clock in South Portland. With the late start and slow pace of the first inning, I figured I’d have to leave by the 5th or so. The second batter reached for the visiting Reading Phillies and the Sea Dogs pitcher threw to first 7 times to check the runner. I’m pretty sure the guy ended up stealing 2^nd anyway.

Sometime in the bottom of the 1^st, a young man with a big forehead and a green collared shirt came to our section and stuck out his hand to introduce himself to me. His name was Brayden, I believe, and he worked for the Sea Dogs promotion team. He wanted to know if Breanne and I would like to take part in an on-field promotion. We looked at each other then Breanne nodded her head while I said yes. Brayden said that we’d be working together to try and catch hot dogs in a giant box. We were to meet him at the player’s entrance after the 3^rd inning.

The game moved quickly after that. The Reading pitcher induced ground balls and the wind killed any ball ambitious enough to carry to the outfield. Breanne and I talked a little about hot dogs and then it was the bottom of the third so we went down to the player’s entrance.

Brayden was there, and he showed us the box we’d be handling. It was probably 3x3’ and it had two handles, one for each of us, while your other hand went under the box for support. He showed us the hot dogs and they were plastic and surprisingly small. He and another girl, I missed her name, would be flinging the tiny hot dogs at us with lacrosse sticks. Brayden commented on the wind and recommended that we concentrate on only one of the hurlers so we’re not crab-walking back and forth trying to catch every one. After these instructions, we waited in a special bleacher section just beyond 1^st base until the middle of the 5^th, when we were to go on.

While we sat in the special bleachers, we noticed that indeed the wind was blowing mightily. I wondered how we we’re going to catch those tiny pieces of plastic once they got caught up in the gusts. I would find out soon, as the 4^th and the top of the 5^th blew by and suddenly we were following a guy named Tom onto the field and they were announcing our names over the loudspeakers.

They got Breanne Blanchette right, but I was Luke Kay-ez. We were positioned about 30 feet from Brayden and the girl, both of them standing next to buckets of fake hot dogs, both of them holding plastic youth lacrosse sticks. The wind continued to blow and the man behind the microphone called out, “They have 30 seconds to catch 5 hot dogs. Let’s see if they can do it.” And then a bell or horn sounded, and Brayden and the girl started flinging hot dogs at us. The first one sailed probably 20 feet over our heads. The next one went way to our right, possibly into the dugout. Then one fell 10 feet short. 20 feet past us again. The wind whipped the little wieners around and they flew in every direction but ours. Despite the fact that I was hardly moving, the wind tore my hat from my head and sent it rolling like tumbleweed back towards home plate.

Before we knew it, the 30 seconds had passed. Not only had we not caught a single hot dog, I don’t believe a single one even hit the box. Someone passed me my hat, another girl with a camera passed Breanne a little card with an email address on it, and we were escorted off the field to absolutely no reaction from the crowd. As we passed through the gate, Tom, who we’d followed on the field earlier, handed me some coupons for free hot dogs. Behind the coupons were 8 Sea Dogs tickets. I said to him, “We didn’t catch any,” but he said it was so windy they decided to give us the prize anyway. Pity tickets are still tickets.

Back in the stands we were celebrities for about 2 minutes, answering questions about the hot dogs, the box, and the wind. We stayed for another inning and a half and then I had to go to class.

Fuck Rain

Boy was I glad the Tigers/Indians game was postponed yesterday.

Rained out after just four innings, they called the game and wiped the box score clean, trusting that the skies would be more forgiving today.

In yesterday's game, this is what the member's of my fantasy team, Mighty Like a Rose, accomplished:

.625 AVG, 2 HR, 4 Runs, and 3 RBI

But none of that counted of course. Here are the stats I'll get credit for:

.154 AVG, 0 HR, 2 Runs, and 2 RBI

Keep in mind that yesterday's numbers were achieved in only 4 innings. So there's a good chance the average would have dropped, but there's also a fair chance I would have collected some more numbers in the other categories the way my guys (Sizemore, Miguel Cabrera, Luis Valbuena, and Magglio Ordonez) were swinging the bat.

Not only that, but Grady Sizemore lost his first home run of the season, and was 2-for-2 when the game was called. If anyone could use a break, it's Mr. Grady.

Moyer

I'm going to pretend the Sox/Yanks game didn't happen and talk about Jamie Moyer instead.

Moyer broke a major league record at Citizens Bank Park tonight, becoming the oldest pitcher in MLB history to throw a complete game shutout. The record was formerly held by Phil Niekro, who was 46 when he tossed a CG shutout for the Yankees on the last day of the season in 1985. Moyer, now 4-2 on the young season, is 47.

Moyer was brilliant tonight against the Braves. He allowed only two hits, both singles to Troy Glaus, and struck out 5 over 9 innings. Not unusual for Moyer, he walked no one.

At 262 wins, Moyer has an outside shot at reaching 300. A two-time 20 game winner, and 1-time All-star, he's also finished in the top 6 in Cy Young voting three times. Not Hall of Fame credentials, but a great career nonetheless.

On a more impressive note, Moyer was 12-7 with 102 Ks and a 6.88 ERA in 23 starts for the Hibbing Excelsiors.

Sox Take First Three Against Angels

Very happy with how the Sox have been playing of late. They're taking more pitches and clearly the starting pitching has picked up over the last few starts. Hopefully Matsuzaka can continue the trend tomorrow night. Beltre also hit his 2nd homer of the season tonight and his second of the series. Beltre also made some slick plays in the field tonight, turning two while avoiding a broken bat to end a rally in the third and snaring a tricky bounce off the bat of Kendrick in the 5th.

Regardless of what happens tomorrow, the Sox take the series against the Angels, and I like their chances this weekend against New York. Here are my game by game predictions for the Yankees series:

Game 1: W 2-1. Beckett pitches like a true ace and out-duels Phil Hughes in a game with very little offense. Victor Martinez hits a double down the 1st base line in the 8th inning on Hughes's 104th pitch to give the Sox a 2-1 lead. Papelbon almost blows it in the ninth but the Sox hold on to win.

ACTUAL RESULTS: L 10-3. Beckett pitched like an ace for three innings then imploded. Phil Hughes did pitch well, but it obviously wasn't a duel.

Game 2: L 8-2. The Sox score early on Sabathia, but he settles down and overpowers them, striking out 8 and almost going the distance. Mark Teixiera hits 2 home runs as Buchholz has trouble finding the plate in a lopsided loss.

ACTUAL RESULTS: L 14-3. The Sox scored early on Sabathia, Buchholz had trouble finding the plate in a lopsided loss, and at the end of 7 innings, Mark Teixiera had two home runs and the score was 8-3. I was feeling like a mystic until the Yankees poured on 6 runs in the last two innings.

Game 3: W 6-3. Lester goes 7 strong innings for the win. Girardi leaves Burnett in too long and the Sox chase him in the 6th. J.D. Drew goes 2-for-4 with a homer and I drink 3 cans of Moxie before the seventh inning stretch.

ACTUAL RESULTS: W 9-2. Another positive prediction, as Lester did indeed go 7 strong innings for the win and Girardi did leave Burnett in for too long, but he was chased in the 5th. Drew went 2-for-3 with an RBI (no homer) but I didn't have any Moxie, let alone 3 cans before the bottom of the 7th.

Sox take series 2 games to 1.

Yankees took series 2 games to 1.

Post your predictions in the comment box below.

Tasers, Stats and Love For You-Know-Who

Career Opportunites is playing on my iPhone here at work. It's a pretty awesome song by The Clash, and it always makes me think of the blown chances I've had to do something with my life. You know, like getting a job that's important enough that I don't have time to write baseball blogs on the clock. So, the theme of this blog will be that I try to tie together the baseball topic I want to write about with the song playing on my iPhone.

Fire On High (School Kids) - This ELO masterpiece, and theme song of Funtown's Astrosphere, sets up one of baseball's most recent stories perfectly. The 17-year-old who got tazed. (After having very little success researching the proper verb to use, I decided to simply go with the one that I think looks coolest, the one with the "z". Meanwhile, did you know that TASER is an acronym for Thomas A. Swift's Electric Rifle?) So, some doof jumps onto the field and runs around waving his t-shirt like a doofus. Some tubby cop shoots the kid in the back with a stun gun, ending the ruckus he was causing in a heartbeat (a possibly irregular one, now). My opinion: Come on, dude. Did they really have to taze the teenager in the back? Were they afraid he was going to Rat-Tail Ryan Howard with his shirt? (Looking up Rat-Tail to make sure it was a wikipedia-approved term for towel-snapping led me to finding the picture below.)
Jumping onto a baseball field and running around is and has been a part of the game for decades. But the punishment here did not fit the crime. If your friend got pulled over for speeding, and was levied with a $250 fine, then the next day you got pulled over for speeding and they sentenced you to four years in prison, you'd be pretty shocked. Not as shocked as Steve Consalvi was on Monday, but shocked nevertheless. The point is, no fan to my knowledge had ever been tazed for running around on the field before. Unless you're informing people ahead of time that the penalty for entering the field of play is 50,000 volts, it's kind of a douche move. But I get it. It's obnoxious, people shouldn't do what that kid did. Yet, packing a ballpark full of drunk fans is like begging for tomfoolery. Stadiums aren't going to stop selling beer, though, are they? I think not. I recognize that I am in the minority on this topic. Something like 73% of respondents to an MSNBC poll voted that a Taser is an acceptable tool to use in the situation. I respectfully disagree with those people.

The Day And The Time (For Sox Bats To Get Going) - So, it was a Shakira song that popped up just as I finished writing on the last subject. Embarrassing. Anyway, the Red Sox wasted an entire series' worth of offense on last night's game. I predict they'll be supporting Jon Lester with an output of two runs tonight. (Of course, that's all they gave him during his last start and he won anyway.) The offense last night was really nice to see, though. I'm pumped that J.D. is heating up. He's 9-for-17 over the last four games with 7 RBIs. He's still striking out way too much, but hopefully he'll see his batting average continue to climb, if only to get the haters off his back. Oh, and the "D" still stands for Durability. 25 of 26 games for Durability Jonathan Drew.

I Can't Stand Losing (To) You - Getting swept by the Baltimore Orioles was a travesty. I mean, seriously, have you seen the Orioles? What a joke. It's not like the Orioles were starting a hot streak either, because they went right back to losing Monday at Yankee Stadium.

Promises - I couldn't really think of a way to tie this into a baseball topic. Stupid Eric Clapton. So, instead I'm going to talk about random stats for a while. I like the Defense-Independent Pitching Stat, so let's look at the top ten AL pitchers in that category:

1. Francisco Liriano 2.38
2. Brett Anderson 2.54
3. Doug Fister 2.85
4. Brett Cecil 2.95
5. Carl Pavano 2.97
6. Colby Lewis 3.06
7. John Danks 3.22
8. David Price 3.22
9. Brian Matusz 3.26
10. Jered Weaver 3.27

Now, essentially, this stat takes into account only strikeouts, walks and home runs, then calculates what their ERA would look like assuming that everyone had the same defense behind them. It's kind of silly, but I like what it can tell us. Things like Liriano's and Fister's seasons so far might not be flukes and that they are actually pitching great. But beware of Mitch Talbot (6.01), Brian Bannister (5.31) and Jeff Niemann (4.81), fantasy owners. Their spiffy ERAs are mirages, I promise you. Hey, look, I tied it together after all.

My Back Pages - Rich Harden (5.61) is on that list of mirages, too, unfortunately. Fortunately for Rich, he's one of my favorite players and I will immediately jump to his defense here. The league-leading 23 walks Harden has given up so far are undoubtedly the reason his DIPS is more than two full runs higher than his actual ERA. And that walk total is out-of-control ridiculous for only the month of April. But April is gone and so are Harden's problems with the base on balls. I sat in front of my computer watching ESPN's Gamecast of last night's Rangers-Athletics game. It featured two of my fantasy pitchers going head-to-head, Harden and Dallas Braden. And Harden was simply brilliant during his first start of May. He went seven innings, walked nobody, struck out nine and only gave up two hits (the first, a double to Momaw Navaughn teammate Rajai Davis). Harden's performance ranked as the sixth-best start of the season for an American League pitcher (his game score was 82). I'm telling you, Rich Harden is about to get hot, and you don't need to check the back page of the sports section to figure that one out.

Just What I Needed - A good song to end on. I doubt I'll write an article with this theme again, since, aside from Fire On High (School Kids) my topic headings really blew. But I hit the highlights of what I wanted to write about in this article: D.J. Jazzy Drew, Richy Rich Harden and that silly tazing incident. Most importantly, I wasted about two hours of work writing this. And that's just what I needed.

Halos Go Through Hell in Beantown

Finally the Sox won a laugher.

Thanks to a 7 run 6th inning, punctuated a 3-run bomb by Pedroia, the Sox improved their record to 12-14 (ugh) tonight with a 17-4 victory over the Angels. It got a little ugly in the top of the 9th when the Sox bullpen allowed 4 runs, but there were many positives about tonight's game. In fact, since I'm so God damn impressionable and one lopsided victory gets me thinking the whole season is turned around, I'm going to slide right down the lineup and say something sweet about every little guy on the team.

After a tough few weeks, Marco Scutaro has cleaned up his defense. He also came into tonight hitting .346 in his last 6 games.

Dustin Pedroia has been playing Gold Glove defense (and my guess is he'll win it this year now that Polanco is in the NL) and as I said earlier, he knocked in 3 runs in the big 7th inning tonight. He's also managed multiple hits in 5 of his last 8 games.

Victor Martinez has thrown out 4 straight would-be base stealers. Pretty good considering that unmentionable game as Texas. He also went 2-for-6 with a double tonight, with no RBIs because he was the only Sox starter tonight to not have an at bat with men on base. Did you get that? 17 runs and the no.3 hitter had no RBI opportunities.

It could have been a bigger night for Kevin Youkilis, but they kept taking the bat out of his hand. He hit a massive homer in the 2nd, and in his next two at bats he was hit by a pitch and intentionally walked. I predict a big month for Youk, a career .336 hitter in the month of May.

J.D. Drew had 4 hits, picking up right where he left off after a solid weekend in Baltimore in which he whacked 3 homers. Yeah, he's still hitting under .250, but he's clearly making an effort. Whatever the impetus may be, he's swinging at a lot of first pitches and it's paying off. His batting average has jumped 143 points in 12 games. At this rate he'll be batting 1.880 by season's end.

What a bitch Mike Lowell is being. Yeah, he's handling the platoon really well but he is killing me in fantasy. Like a mime being stabbed, I could do nothing as I watched Lowell go 4-for-4 tonight with 4 RBIs, all while he sat snugly between Desmond Jennings and Eric Chavez on my fantasy bench. The man can still hit.

Finally! Adrian Beltre hit his first homer as a member of the Red Sox. It was a no-doubter into the Monster seats, and it also came in that big 6th inning. Beltre had another error tonight- his sixth- but at least he continues to deliver with the bat. The only Sox regular hitting over .300, Beltre improved his average to .333 tonight after going 2-for-4.

Not to be forgotten, Bill Hall hit his first homer as a Red Sock to. He went 2-for-4 tonight and hasn't done too shabby a job as the interim left field. His .250 batting average is higher than three of the Sox regulars, which isn't really a positive.

Darnell McDonald joined 6 other Sox players tonight with a multiple hit game, going 2-for-4 in the nine hole and knocking in a run on a FC in the 7th. Darnell will probably never top that first appearance in a Sox uniform, but like Hall he's doing an adequate job as a temporary replacement.

That being said, when the hell are Cameron and Ellsbury coming back?

Sox Out-bombed in Baltimore

A disappointing night at Camden Yards for the Sox, but it was nice to see Big Papi go yard twice- something that hasn't happened since August 26th of last year. Yeah, they lost their 2nd in a row to the Birds and they failed to capitalize on a loss by the Rays, but we've got to remain positive. Matsuzaka was pitching well until his last inning, even underwear model Jim Palmer thought so, and Van Every had a terrific 3rd inning with a long home run to center and a flashy diving catch in the field. Here's the catch.

The Sox have a tough schedule in May. Real tough. They have the Yanks and the Rays and the Angels. But when you're playing division rivals it just makes it all that easier to do the math for the standings. We need good starting pitching this month and a more balanced offensive attack. Of course, 9 runs is plenty on most nights.